i need an iv and a liver transplant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
