Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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