Just fell off a train. Bad.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
