Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
