Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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