I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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