I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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