I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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