Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
