Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
