fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
is wine microwaveable?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
