Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
