My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
