Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
