I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
