A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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