In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
