PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
