she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
