What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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