I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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