Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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