I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
