I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I love having hate sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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