Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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