So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
