I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there's paper in my vomit.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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