i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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