i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
