Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize