There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
