I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
