Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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