Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
