Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
