Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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