I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
