Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
