you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
