just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
