everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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