Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
