remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
