New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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