beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize