Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
