How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
