He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
