i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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