He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is wine microwaveable?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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