I just cut my nipple shaving
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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