I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
