I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
