Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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