carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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