i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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