My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
