if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
