I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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