after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
