I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
