This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
