I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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