idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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