this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
