Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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