she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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