I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
